That's intense
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
