I think I died a long time ago.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
