....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
