once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
