if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
