so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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