Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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