I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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