Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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