No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
too bad you live with your parents still
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
