im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
