I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
