why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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