I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
