Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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