So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
