I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
