is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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