Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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