Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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