I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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