Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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