Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
