got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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