one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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