Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
