So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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