so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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