I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
