there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
