you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
