dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
