I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
