Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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