I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
