Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
