my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do vagina's smell?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
