I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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