just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
