The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
