he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
