Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
