She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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