Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
