I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
