it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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