Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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