I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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