I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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