So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
