so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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