she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize