If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
