i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
