Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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