guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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