i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
