walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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