What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
