3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
