I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
