i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
