Acid is not a monday night drug
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize