see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
