hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just had sex on a roof
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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