Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
