I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
