One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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