How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
