just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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