I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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