Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
