It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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