I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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