I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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