you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
