I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
