I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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