I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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